The Community of Guarding Dark is a massive, genial nation, renowned for its public floggings, daily referendums, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate, devout population of 3.129 billion Guarding Darknessians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schmaltzberg. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 47.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Guarding Darkian economy, worth 521 trillion golds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 166,627 golds, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 613,616 per year while the poor average 31,962, a ratio of 19.2 to 1.

Military recruitment numbers are down as citizens object on 'moral grounds', player-submitted issues are printed just so they can be burned by [violet] (Guarding Dark has found 2 easter eggs), the "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Schmaltzberg Times is sold out, and escaped birthday balloons are torpedoed out of the sky. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Guarding Dark's national animal is the gold, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Guarding Dark is ranked 250,845^th in the world and 4,427^th in The East Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 45.24 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.